Its Ok Now
by Notemaker
Summary: RH Fluff after Havensworth pre 5.05 I dont own them so dont sue me.ta x


Last on the grid again. Why couldn't they just let go and go home? He knew the answer. Because there was no one at home. No one waiting, no lights on, no warm hands to hold, no lips to kiss. No one except their respective pets, who, while being good companions were not really that interesting a release from work. He wished she was waiting at home for him but after her severe let down he didn't think that was attainable in the foreseeable future. Instead he could only dream.

Sat at her desk she had positioned her computer screen s she could stare over the top of it without raising too many suspicions. Her line of sight went straight through one of the glass panels in to his office. It wasn't her doing the staring now though. His eyes were on her this time. She wasn't looking at him but she could feel his eyes on her. When ever he looked at her she felt a tingle all over her body, like the nerve endings knew he was there. She longed to be with him but knew it would undermine his position, plus she didn't want to be water cooler gossip. She had pride and after years of having people talk about her she didn't want it anymore. Instead she would just have to imagine. Imagine her hand in hers, his lips pressed on hers, his fingers running through her hair, their eyes meeting. Oh god their eyes had met. She had been so involved in her fantasy he had caught her. She didn't look away though. Her phone rang.

"Ruth" It was Harry. _Shit_ she thought, did he know what she had been thinking he had always been able to second guess her but mind reading? _Stop being stupid Ruth_.

"Can I see you in my office please?" he put the phone down before she had time to react. _Damn it_. It would be about the case they were running she kidded herself. She knew this was a personal request but gathered her files anyway. He saw her pick the files up noting the familiar mechanism she had when nervous which funnily enough always seemed to be around him.She had used that technique on her very first day. Hiding behind files, behind her intellect. He wondered if she new she did it or if it really was just a mechanism that sprung to life when confronted with fear or nerves.

She gently slid the door open without nocking. She only knocked when something was drastically wrong. She stood in the dor way, hesitant about proceeding in to his personal space. She loked tired, but then it had been a busy few days, he also oubted she had slept since their date. he hadn't, he couldnt get her out of his head. The dark circles around her eyes added such depth to her face, they also made her slightly harder to read.

"Come in, sit down if you want." She knew this was more than a simple nicety. She made her way to the hideous sofa. She didnt understand why, in his position, he didnt chane it. It was so ... un-Harry. It fit his public persona, hard, edgy, but not the real Harry. Not at all.

She didnt meet his eyes, instead inspecting a rather small section of red carpet by her feet. her hands, free of the files she had set down next to her, where clenched and sved between her knees. She looked like she did when she had been worried about being sent back to GCHQ. Scared, like a little mouse, a young child about to be scoulded. He didnt like that he caused that reaction in her, it was completly the oposite to the one he wanted to cause. He wanted her to be comfortable around him.To feel loved. Since their date, the idle gossip and her rejection of him, she had avoided him, but then he wasnt exactly innocent of that crime either. He didnt want to make their proffessinal relationship any harder.

She sat there cowering in the corner of the sofa, she loked so fragile, so broken. He knew she wanted to be with him, he could see it in her eyes, but her pride was stopping her, simple pride. She wouldnt meet his eyes, instead concentratng on that spot. He rose from his seet and she flinched slightly. Sitting next to her she was prepared this time, not letting her reaction show.

"Why are you still here ruth? Am I giving you too much work to do?" He asked wanting to break the silence and the ice.

"Im still here because I have work to do and no I can handle it, I always have." She replied, her answer was to the point and her tone short. The easy banter that used to flow didnt any more. Their conversation forced, and hostile. How could some one he loved so much, knew loved him be so blank with him?

"What have you been working on?"

"Just tying up the Havensworth case and listening to some suspects talk aout chess for the last four hours."

"Really?" he chuckled "Chess? for four hours?"

"Yes Harry, Now, is this really why you called me in here or are you going to cut to the chase?" He tone so blunt it was his turn to study the floor. "Look I know your hurting, but its just not going to happen. If after one date the whole grid is gossiping about us then after a few months we will be all they talk about. I cant handle it and really neither can you.It could undermine your authority, I just cant have that."

"Honestly, Ruth This isnt the first time I've been gossiped about, it will all die down in a few days, new people, new couples, new gossip. Wht is it they say? Todays headlines wrap tomorrows fish and chips. Its true Ruth."

"Thats all fine but think of your position Harry"

"I have done and every one in this office is a proffessional, Noone would dare try and use us against me. Id have them sacked first." he joked, trying to lighten the converstaion. he wasnt used to them having such heavy talks especially not personal ones.

"Harry this isnt a joke. Its just too complicated" She was almost shouting, maybe humour hadnt been such a good idea."Harry just accept it. I cant see you, your position comprmised because of me. Thats it. OK?" She got up before he could reply to her. She reached the door and turned their eyes meeting, hiding a fragmented understanding. "I am sorry Harry really I am" With that she closed the door.

"Damn it!" He shouted, throwing the files at the crimson wall. He just couldnt work out what tosay to make her see sense. He was a spoo for gods sake, why couldnt he talk her round? He burried his head in his hands and let out a long sigh.

She stood back against the wall, arms by her side, eyes loking straight ahead. She couldnt move, she was frozen to the spot. Her legs had turned to jelly, they always did when she lied. Why couldnt she just admit she loved him and live happily ever after? She knew the answer. it was because happy ever afters dont exist in their line of work. She couldnt stay here , if he came out she wouldnt beable to put up the fight again.

She was still out side, knew she hadnt left yet her coat was still on her chair. She hadnt left yet but she was going to now. She ran across the grid grabbed her things and ran through the pods, as fast as was possible with their time delay. He walked over to his computer and accessed the CCTV cameras, he didnt know why, just wantd to see her go he supposed. He flicked though untill he found they one focussed on the front of the building. She should be coing out in a second, but she never did. He knew where she had gone, it was the same place he went when he needed to think.

He pushed open the door and stepped in to the cold. London was so beautiful at night. The chill in the air added to the atmosphere up here, you felt removed, separatd from real life. That made it easier to think. He culd see her silloette against the shimmering lights, her hair blowing slightly, her coat billowing arnd her, her body shaking as she sobbed. For a moment he rejoiced, maybe if she was this upset she felt the same way he did? He quickly shut those feelings away, it was insensitive of him to b so happy when she so sad.

"Ruth" He breathed, almost inaudibly but he could tell she had heard. She gently dropped her head as she heard his voice. She had wanted him to follow her up but not fully expected it. Up here she thought, she could be herself, but only to herself. She couldnt let him know how she felt but when his hand pulled her to face him and his eyes met hers, nothing needed to be said. He pulled her towards him, her head into his chest. She sobbed some more as his hands snaked around her. She felt so safe, like she was ment to be.

"Its alright Ruth, every thing will be fine. Ill look after you."

"I know Harry I know now". she sobbed on to his chest.

They both knew they would never let the other go now. They needed each other and loved each other. That was all that mattered.


End file.
